I hear many friends complaining about how hooking up on line is not what it used to be, and many escorts complaining about how their businesses are going down. They always blame the market, the culture, Millennials, whatever or whoever. There is no one to blame but time.
My success hooking up on line is much lower than it used to be. Perhaps it is the fucking Millennials that are not interested in sex. Or perhaps it is that I am now in my middle 50s, I added almost 50 lbs in the last 15 years, and I am not anymore the sexy piece of chubby meat I used to be. I have evolved from homo sapiens to homo cetaceus.
Please, I am not making a generalization, I know many friends who are remarkably improved by aging. But that has not been my case because I have stopped taking care of myself in the last decade, for many reasons. I am much less physically attractive now that I was 10 years ago, and I should not blame anyone for that. The only thing I can do is what I am doing, working hard on making sure I will be more attractive in the future than I am now.
Your case may be different. Maybe you continued taking care of yourself, but instead of a gym college boy that can choose who to fuck with, you are now a hot muscular daddy. I am confident you still have abundant choices, but I am also confident your choices are less than used to be.
We all age, in different ways, but one thing remains the same: we are aging in a culture where the old and the older are less desirable than the young and the newer. That has not changed, what has changed is the side from where we are experiencing this cultural bias.
We can bitch against it as much as we want, but it is a fact that is not going to change. We can get organized and fight for making cultural changes, but even I we succeed we are not going to see the fruits of our hard work during our life spam. What we can do more successfully is changing ourselves.
The world has changed but so did we. To start, stop being so self centered and blaming all negative changes on the world, and start examining more closely how you changed and specially how your relationship with the world has changed. I refuse to be an old timer, one of those bitter guys always longing for a better and greater past.
That first step is the big one that gets the walk started. The others follow naturally.
- Take care of your health and your appearance. We all age and, if we do not take care of ourselves, aging becomes synonym to crappy and decaying.
- Keep your mind open and a curious attitude. Remember when we were younger, how we would feel when our elders would refuse to accept a new concept, new art, or new technology. Learn and embrace the new ways, specially if you want to be attractive and able to mingle with the younger guys.
- Challenge your own prejudices. On talking about sex, challenge your own ageism.
I am just overcoming (I hope) my mid age crisis, and this is what I am doing:
- I signed up for a gym and I am swimming at least 3 times per week.
- I just lost 15 pounds and I am working on my diet to lose other 35.
- I am starting PrEP in two weeks, condoms are becoming more and more unpopular.
- I am not yet ready to invest my bucks in older professionals, but I am widening the scope of my online cruising to include gentlemen of my age.
- I am learning as much as I can about new technologies.
- I have switched from phone calls to texting and videoconferencing as main communication styles.
- I am developing tolerance towards multitasking bull shit. I mean, they call it multitasking, but it is actually an attention deficit disorder that most of us are developing in our nowadays culture of excessive stimuli. I have to suck it up, after all I am also developing the cell phone addiction syndrome.
I could do much more and I am open to suggestions, but that is the list of things I am actually doing right now.
I am aware this is a very subjective post. Each one of us goes through aging in his own personal way. Besides, I am talking about my going into my 50s, which is different than going into your 60s or 70s or 80s or 40s, etc.
If you are not going through my same experience, or if you are and want to relate or to debate my take, please use the comments box below to share your input.
Happy July 4th and hasta la pinga, amigos!