Last Monday, the Str8UpGayPorn Awards opened the porn industry awards season. Next night, the Cybersocket Web Awards followed. This weekend, the GAYVN Awards are up. Imagine the amount of porn stars orgies taking place these days. Or rather, just check Rhyheim Shabazz’ Twitter.
Gay Porn Awards Season
Although this is not the first time we write about Gay Porn Industry Awards, it is the first time we feel with one feet in each side. Of course, we are still avid porn consumers, but now we also are adding content to the Pornuniverse logos. Besides, we have developed some bonds with a few industry players.
As a consequence, I was motivated to watch a whole ceremony for the first time in my life. You can also watch it if this article inspires you, it is available here. Instead of the general panorama I gave you one year ago, this time we will focus only on the Str8UpGayPorn Awards.
It was the third season of these Awards, which perhaps are only topped by the Gayvn awards coming up this Monday. I am not going to make the list here, but if you go through the nominations and the winners, you can see that the event is representative of just part of the industry, and that the awards are probably manipulated.
But I am about to give you a detailed report. For those who do not like reading, let me share that the final verdict is positive. Str8UpGayPorn and all the team behind this effort deserve to be recognized in a standing ovation. However, I would not call for a replay. Try to read up to the end.
The Str8UpGayPorn Awards 2019
The event took place last Monday, January 13th, 2019. Unfortunately, although the ceremony and the previous Red Carpet were going to be live streamed, traffic crashed the website and Str8UpGayPorn went down. I understand they fixed the issue, but it was beyond 11PM in DC, and this old lady went to sleep.
The following day I found out the whole event was recorded. I went to work and when came back home smoke a joint and set up my Apple TV. A few months ago I would have not believed it if someone would have told me I would watch the whole Str8UpGayPorn Awards ceremony.
However, I did and do not regret it. Let me share first the Downs, followed by the Ups, and then we close with a general take on this thing of copy catting the Oscars.
Str8UpGayPorn Awards Turn Downs
Let’s start with the things we did not like in this 3rd edition of the Str8UpGayPorn Awards.
The welcoming threesome
To start, three hosts in the Red Carpet pre-ceremony is just too many. Blake Mitchell, Sister Roma, and Boomer Banks are all great but they do not make a good combination. In too many moments they just did not click, or talked over each other, or many other problems alike.
Instead, I would have chosen only two hosts/hostess. Boomer and Roma are both more exotic, in contrast to Blake’s moderation and more conventional persona. Blake and only one of his partners that night, any of his partners, would have been a more balanced hosting team.
On the other hand, Boomer and Roma could have also been a nice pair. In case we wanted to have a more transgressive and out of the box event, we could have dropped Blake.
I guess the problem is the lack of definition in the event’s vision. Do we want a traditional, conventional awards ceremony or something more representative of the Porn Industry’s theme?
Kathy Griffin’s monologue
I am surprised at all the favorable comments her performance is receiving. But before I was speechless when watching her opening monologue. She was totally unprepared. Kathy grabbed the Str8UpGayPorn Awards program and started improvising, playing with the categories and the nominees’ names and titles.
Disappointingly, her jokes were unimaginative and full of common places. In a moment, Kathy realized aloud that she was trying to scandalize a gay porn audience with the same kind of jokes she would weaponize in a mainstream event. Kathy had no idea where she was or what she was doing.
I like her, and had a lot of expectations. This was one of the biggest disappointments I have ever experienced as spectator.
The Big White Cock
It is hard avoiding racist, politically incorrect jokes, but we will try. What a fuck. Whose idea was having that lame prop? It was not sexy, not visually appealing, it looked just like a cheap and not well realized idea. I guess it was a premonitory sign of the most ridiculous prize of the Str8UpGayPorn Awards: Favorite Cock.
Bend down, bitch
What was wrong with the microphone? Did they bring the podium from an elementary school auditorium? Most presenters and winners looked very uncomfortable bending down to speak.
Too short pants
Honestly, I confess I am not a fashion person. That chromosome is missing on my gay gene. Therefore, I really cannot tell whether or not the guys departing from classic, traditional outfits, were dressed nicely. I do not really care and have no sensibility about it.
However, I did dislike the trend on pants showing the ankles. Is that a fashion trend right now? To my fashion illiterate eyes, they look just dumb.
Where is Krave Melanin
Believe it or not, Krave is not even nominated for any awards. To me, this is unforgivable. Krave’s cock by itself weights more than some of the winners, not to mention it weight more than an army of the nominees.
We do not think you thoroughly understand pornographic art and talent if you ignore the outstanding contributions of the Ebony Mega Star.
The vapidity
This was an event to celebrate the work and the talent of porn artists. The sponsors and the host blog behind the Str8UpGayPorn Awards invested a significant amount of money and time. It is a commendable effort by an industry consistently marginalized and always in risk of persecution.
It is that moment when many creators and followers get together, a rare opportunity, only once in the year. However, too many wasted their time on stage to say nothing, or to show off blunt stupidity. Lack of preparation was often obnoxious, even amongst a few of the presenters.
Too many porn performers seem to think that being transgressor is using a language full of fuckings and motherfuckers. Or perhaps they were not trying to be transgressors, but just showing their poor language skills.
Nevertheless, I would not point my finger only to those individuals. Once again, there is a wider issue in the event’s lack of definition.
Str8UpGayPorn Awards Turn Ons
Following, the things I did enjoy a lot during my watching of the Red Carpet and the awards ceremony.
The welcoming threesome
As I said above, it was a too crowded welcoming committee. However, each individuality was fabulous. The comment that perhaps I enjoyed the most, came from Sister Roma. Actually, I am not sure she was aware the mic was open when she said it.
After a few porn stars arrived, each of them introducing their boyfriends, she said something like “All these porn stars have boyfriends!”. You have to listen to it to understand. She made the comment with an adorable tone mixed of loving surprise, disbelief, and disappointment. I am laughing while I am recalling it.
The porn bringers
I loved, for instance, when Ashton Summers took off his shirt to receive the Award for Favorite Body. Besides the pleasure of enjoying his beauty, it was a reminder of where we were. After all, these were the Str8UpGayPorn Awards. Thank you so much to Ashton and the few performers who brought porn to the stage.
Indeed, we need more of this in future editions.
And by the way, congrats to Ashton, who is one of the few deserving winners, side by side with Rhyheim Shabazz, Jake Jaxson, and Beaux Banks.
The lack of stereotypes
This was one of the many surprises I enjoyed a lot. Being a Porn Industry event, I was expecting the studios to force the performers to keep in character. I mean, the porn character that made them popular.
However, I am so happy to share that I was completely wrong. The performers displayed a surprising array os personalities and gender fluidness, I bet you more than one fan was twisting in disgust, out of disappointment, specially the old timers.
I was not. I truly enjoyed witnessing this diversity, and the support from the studios to celebrate the performers as they want to be out of their stage characters.
The stoned winner
When Helmut Huxley was called to receive the Str8UpGayPorn Award for Favorite International Star, one of his Bel Ami friends came up to the stage. He explained to Kathy Griffin that Helmut was not able to leave home because he was too stoned.
Kathy Griffin after her pornographicly bad monologue
It took her some time, but Kathy finally landed on reality, warm up the engines, and showed her comedic talent.
Interviewing the boy reporting on his stoned friend was probably one of her best moments. It was indeed interesting to see her interacting out of her comfort zone. She is used to scandalizing people, but here found herself harmless. Therefore, she started to show sincere curiosity and humor from a completely different place.
Although I still think that her monologue was shamefully unprofessional, I would give her a second chance next year. Hopefully, she would be better prepared.
Tom of Finland Foundation
I am in the middle of my late 50s, of course a big Tom of Finland fan. He is an icon of erotic art, and the mission of a Foundation devoted to collect, preserve, and promote his art is deserving of praise.
If you can, support the Tom of Finland Foundation with your dollars. For them, it is not easy to get grants. Kudos to the organizers for the Lifetime Achievement Award for Durk Dehner.
Jake Jaxson’s focus on the performers
In mainstream movies, sometimes directors are even more important than star performers. We grew up in Buenos Aires, not following movie stars but movie directors. We liked Al Pacino and Robert De Niro, but followed Martin Scorsese, Coppola, Almodovar, and many other directors.
Porn movies are different. Performers are the unquestionable core magnets for the audience. Nevertheless, often some director forget this and try to occupy the place their mainstream pairs do. I am referring mostly to European directors.
We loved witnessing Jake Jaxson consistent praise of the performers, in the best American tradition. From the Red Carpet to the Str8UpGayPorn Awards stage, he never stop complimenting the actors, and reminding us all that they are the Real Stars and the rest of us are just orbiting around them.
Michael DelRey
With Ashton Summers, Michael was other of the performers who reminded us that we were on a Porn Industry celebration. It did feel like he was going to fuck on stage, and he looked adorable with his pants down.
Michael also gifted us with the most hilarious moments of the night, when he revealed the winner before going through the nominees. And almost did it twice.
Rhyheim Shabazz got emotional
Rhyheim won Best Newcomer for the Str8UpGayPorn Awards. Needless to say, his is one of the few awards we agree with, despite the fact he should have won more.
I am a fan since the first time I saw him, and am very thankful for his support to our blog. After all these months I have come to actually care for and love him. It was moving to see him getting emotional and weeping when he was called to the stage.
Empathic joy
For many of he winners, these awards were obviously meaningless. In contrast, many others were honestly appreciative and happy to be recognized. I cannot avoid it, I mirror the feelings of the people I like.
Despite not agreeing in all categories, I was filled with joy to see many recognitions: Rhyheim Shabazz, Beaux Banks, Ashton Summers, Austin Wilde, Austin Wolf, Guys In Sweatpants, Jake Jaxson, Blake Michell, and Boomer Banks. I like and admire each of them, I even love a few, and their joy is my joy.
Sean Ford’s speech
We are recognizing Sean because he was the most eloquent, but he was not the only one who spoke up. Boomer Banks and others also did. I highly appreciated these manifestations of political awareness. Sex and Porn are Politics, even more Queer Sex and Queer Porn (yeah, I wonder when we are going to drop “gay” and become all “queers”). It was a refreshing contrast to the vapidity I mentioned above.
The same I can say of performers like Beau Banks, who was prepared to be a decent presenter, and put effort on being entertaining and engaging. Even when you do not address Politics explicitly, taking ownership of the occasion and its success is making a stand.
To be or not to be
Dear readers, if you have made it up to this point, I hope you understood where my criticism is coming from. Just in case, allow me to highlight once again the importance and the significance these events have for any industry/activity.
There are no fields in the wide array of human activities that do not include rituals to recognize, celebrate, support, encourage, promote, and defend each other. We cannot give enough praise to Str8UpGayPorn and everyone else behind this effort.
However, I do question the idea of replicating similar awards ceremonies in sister mainstream industries. As the marginalized and stigmatized industry that porn is, the resources to organize that kind of events are just not there, for the same reasons we cannot afford paying royalties to the performers or an army of lawyers to fight piracy as other similar industries do.
Despite being always controversial and criticized, the Oscars, Grammies, and others alike, count on a whole infrastructure to Gove them credibility and respectability. There are professional associations, voting procedures to produce nominees and select winners, for instance.
Our Awards
In spite of all the controversies, I cannot recall absurd cases like the Favorite Cock, the Favorite Butt, or the Favorite International Star of the Str8UpGayPorn Awards.
Of course, this article is to report on them, but this is not a Str8UpGayPorn Awards problem. The same happens in all similar events across the industry, every year. Another example, last Monday we learned the winners of the Cybersocket Web Awards. Believe it or not, the winner in the category Best Escort site is probably the worst escort site currently available. It is so fishy that I do not want to link to it. And who knows what surprises are waiting for us in the Gayvn Awards.
When you have awards with no credibility, you have winners (and losers of course) who do not take them seriously. This is why I do not put all the blame on the performers who came to the stage to say nothing or to show off their lack of commitment to the occasion.
Our ceremony night
Similarly, we lack the resources behind, for instance, the Oscars Ceremony. That event takes place in a monumental stage, with spectacular props and special effects. There are hours of rehearsing behind the dancing and singing performances, as well as hours of writing behind the hosts and hostess speeches, and every single introduction of nominees and winners.
In our case, the event took place in a small stage, with very poor illumination and a microphone too low to use it comfortably. Our best special effect was the fully pathetic and semi inflated Big White Dick at the beginning. Out hostess was completely unprepared. Many of our presenters did not know what they were doing, and the list of technical problems would be just too long.
Is this how the Porn Industry should celebrate?
What we saw is probably the best we can do. Unfortunately, the final result is just slightly better than a high school parody of an award ceremony.
In the circumstances in which the porn industry operates, we cannot produce awards with the credibility of the mainstream industry, and we cannot put together ceremonies with the same quality level.
I do not have the answer, but I do have the clear feeling that replicating the Oscars is the wrong mindset. Although it is desirable, and perhaps someday we will have a unified industry, with professional associations of critics, with money to pay royalties, persecute piracy, and organize great Awards ceremonies.
While we fight for those goals, and until that moment arrives, we should rethink the whole thing. All the money and the effort invested in the Str8UpGayPorn Awards ceremony should be redirected to something more representative of the industry.
To start, perhaps we need more sex and skin. To follow, we need to have a more transgressive event. Saying fucking and motherfucker every five words is not being transgressive. We need more porn in a porn awards ceremony, and less ceremony.
Hasta la próxima pinga, amig@s!
