Gay is not Good, anymore. Actually, I doubt it ever was. Anyways, whatever transformative or revolutionary potential the idea of gayness used to have, has long been lost.
ALL IMAGES ILLUSTRATING THIS ARTICLE HAVE BEEN TAKEN, OR MODIFIED FROM ORIGINALS TAKEN FROM “Marcelo Pombo – Imagines Liberadas“
This is not that book
Just in case you clicked in here looking for an infamous homophobic book, I am sorry to tell you that you clicked into the wrong place. We are not homophobic. Quiet opposite, actually. Not only I am mostly homosexual, but I celebrate homosexual interactions and homoerotic expressions. Making it clearer, I love dick and find no shame on it.
When we say that Gay is not Good, we do not mean homosexuality. We rather speak of this constructed identity that “gay” has turned to be. Although “homosexual” is not our favorite alternative, it is indeed much better as a descriptor for a male who enjoys playing with other males.
On one hand it is better, because it is specific and does not carry all the extra social and cultural baggage. On the other hand, it is not our favorite alternative. Clearly, there is no problem if we use “homosexual” to describe specific acts. However, as soon as we describe a person as “homosexual”, we imply a rigidity that often does not reflect well reality.
For that reason, we advocate for the words ‘queer” or “questioning” as better descriptors for those non conforming to heteronormative, patriarcal, binary sex and gender expectations. We will expand on that towards the end.
Right now, let’s see why Gay is not Good.
Gay Pride, the Father of Gay Ain’t Good
This is at the roots of why Gay is not Good anymore. Is there anything lazier than Gay Pride? Or National Pride? Or any sense of pride coming from just belonging to a real or imaginary group? There are lazier things, but it is quite a challenge to figure one out.
I am not proud of being a cock sucker. I am rather proud of being a talented cock sucker. Do you see the difference? The first one is a lazy act that anyone can perform. Literally, anyone with a mouth can suck a dick. Be proud of that.
In contrast, being a talented cock sucker took not only hard work and long hours of intense practice, but also the ability to learn and improve. Evidently, this is indeed something we can be proud of.
Similarly, I am not proud of being attracted to men. I did not choose it. It has always been like that. Why should anyone feel pride? There is a sense of pride coming from my sexuality, though, but in a different way.
My questioning socio-cultural expectations and my standing for who I am against my parents and everyone else. My continuous learning about myself, expanding my choices, and deepening my understanding of sex and its place in society, culture, and politics. Finally, my growing on learning to listen to and on respecting others. Those are things that indeed make me very proud.
Instead of inspiring a self critical mindset, ideas like Gay Pride instill a culture of self conformism and self centered righteousness. Precisely, the raise of a new Gay Self-righteousness, tragically shaped by the HIV pandemic, also explains why we say that Gay ain’t Good anymore.
Gay Self-righteousness, the Other Father
When Marcelo Pombo liberated his contemporaneous art work, nostalgia for the 80s in Buenos Aires took over me. We were young, and starting to explore our sexualities, under a military tyranny backed by the Right Wing of the Catholic Church, the local Conservatives, the CIA and the Pentagon.
From the GAG, we advocated for a fluid sexuality and predicted a new culture without rigid sexual identities. From our naiveté, we foresaw how gay activism would ironically cause the vanishing of gayness in an ocean of liberated desire. We did not know what was coming. Unfortunately, the HIV/AIDS pandemic sent all our poli amorous omni sexual utopia to the trash can.
In fact, the pandemic solidified homosexuality as inmutable in nature and dangerous and self-destructive if not monogamic. Additionally, most of the thinkers trying to show the full potential of breaking with heteronormativity, like Nestor Perlongher and Michel Foucault, died from complications related to HIV/AIDS. In general, gay men with a promiscuous sexual and a more adventurous mindset were specially decimated. The stage was set for the Conservatives to take over.
Just as wrapping our dicks in a rubber became mandatory to survive, so embracing of Patriarchal Binary Heteronormativity became the condition for homosexuals to become acceptable.
This mix between a tradition of civil rights activism and the cleansing of a whole generation of Queer men and leaders, set the stage for the Gay Rights activism we know today. Far away from developing an alternative set of values questioning the status quo and promoting an alternative life style, Gay Culture raced for conformism, plagued by fundamentalist self-righteousness.
When Gay is not Good
Better than deconstructing the post-HIV/AIDS pandemic Gay identity, it is more entertaining to share examples illustrating clearly that Gay is not Good anymore. Follow me, gay friends.
You must be Gay, only Gay, and nothing else but Gay, very Gay
You are with a group of people cheat chatting, and someone mentions that someone is bisexual, or hetero curious, or any gradation of homosexual desire other than pure homosexuality. Out of the gay men in that group, how many would come up to question even the existence of such a thing as a bisexual man? It is always too many.
This is perhaps the situation when I the most often think that Gay is not Good. It is definitely fucked up.
Mainstream Patriarchal heteronormativity offered us a little bundle in exchange of integration. Unfortunately for anyone who does not identify as gay gay, the bundle includes only two sexual identities. And we gladly bought it and became the first soldiers for a binary world.
You Must Be Out
You are not welcome inside the closet anymore, beyond your circumstances. Who cares about your circumstances? Gay self righteous men will command you: you must be out, loud and proud.
It does not matter whether you live in a place where your life or your freedom could be in jeopardy. Whether or not your professional career or your job interactions could be negatively affected is totally irrelevant. Your relationship with your parents and extended family is also completely insignificant faced to the Importance of Coming Out Of he Closet.
Not even your own readiness is a consideration. Coming Out is a Mandate. If you do not come out, you are dishonest, your mental health is questionable, and you have no balls. Some even think that staying in the closet causes bad breath and uncontrollable farting.
And of course, coming back to the previous point, you can only come out as Gay. If you think that you are bisexual or any other alternative, you are just delusional. You are just not aware of your journey towards Holy Gayness.
Do you see why I say that Gay is not Good? Do you see how we are forcing reality (and human beings) into a too narrow, too little box?
You must be Married and Monogamous
And adopt kids, of course. This is probably the most pathetic mirroring of the oppressing culture. Gay Marriage has been the victory that galvanized the push for conformity and gave us our little legitimacy corner. If you must be Pete Buttigieg to be included o respected o celebrated, Gay ain’t Good.
Gay self righteousness looks down to their promiscuous brothers. They think we are unhappy, unsatisfied, and ultimately sick. Their buying into monogamy does not allow them to see that we are not unsatisfied. We are just not looking for “love”. They cannot understand our dick hunting if not in the frame of “looking for the Right One”. They cannot picture that we are just “looking for another dick”.
Gay is not Good when you turn it into the exact reproduction of the oppressing model.
I am a man
Unfortunately, Gay men are plagued with overacted “manly” mannerisms, over concerned about being “straight acting” or “discrete”. I still remember the discrimination against our not so “discrete” comrades in demonstrations for gay rights. They would be asked to be quiet and in the back, because their lifestyles or their mannerisms would not help the cause.
Perhaps we do not see it anymore in the gay political class, but has been deeply imbedded in Gay Culture. There are even Gay men who would be offended if you address them playfully as women or insinuate in any way that they are somehow “feminine”. There are still Gay men who feel a sense of superiority and righteousness because “no one can tell they are gay”.
Gay is not Good if your quest is for mirroring your oppressor standards and expectations, to the point of also mirroring homophobic artifacts.
Misogyny
The same Gay Men who would whine if you assign to them any degree of femininity, are the ones discriminating against women in gay bars and clubs. Although you will have to read in between lines in most Gay Media to find any traces, in every day’s Gay Culture misogyny is rampant.
Just walk into a gay bar with predominantly male patrons, and pay attention to the drunk Queens making sarcastic jokes about the few “invading” women that may be around. Or listen to gay friends conversing about our sisters. Often, when they assess women as imaginary sexual partners, just stating a lack of attraction is not enough.
Consistently, they must go further on expressing their discomfort with women. You know, vaginas are disgusting.
Gay is not Good when in your quest for mirroring your oppressor standards and expectations, you also mirror their bigotry and discrimination.
Racism and Classism (amongst other isms)
Observe carefully Gay Media. There is a quite well established archetypical Gay Man. He is White and young, college educated and wealthy or middle class. Going to the gym, being fit, well dressed and overall attractive seems to distinguish most gay men depicted in mainstream and even some alternative media.
Despise for a more inclusive mindset that contemplates intersectionality is prevalent in older generations. They particular understanding of Gayness must define our identities and overrule any other aspects of our personalities and interests.
I have heard many Gay Men saying that they would not support Black Lives Matter because Black people, allegedly, does not support gay rights as much as they would like they did. Or that they would not support the rights of the Palestinian innocent civilians massacred by Israel, because they are predominantly Muslim, and Muslims are, allegedly, homophobic.
This is one of those situations where I feel the strongest that Gay is not Good. This is when I want to wash away any molecule of gayness out of me, overwhelmed by shame and disgust.
Gay is not Good but…
Evidently, I am pushed into a contradiction. I am stating that Gay is not Good, but yet I often call myself gay. Not only I have, but I will continue doing it.
That contradiction is, however, just apparent. Our expressing disgust for what “Gay” came to be, does not contradict the fact that there is a huge diversity unrepresented but living under the Gayness’ umbrella. That is precisely one of the reasons we think Gay is not Good.
Not only has turned into a politically questionable identity, but also deeply unrepresentative.
Sadly, most people are not yet aware of that. Therefore, “Gay” continues (and will continue for a long time) to be the label we use when we want to reach a wider audience. Indeed, if I describe myself as a queer blogger who writes about queer sex and queer culture, I would get considerably less traffic. As you well know, we bloggers are click-prostitutes, so I will continue to be a gay blogger.
Queer or Questioning is better
Fortunately, things have gotten better. The new Millenium shows a significant movement towards a more sex positive culture and a more fluid sexuality. Evidently, depiction of homosexual men in Media is noticeably more diverse nowadays. Most of my deconstruction of gayness refers to a mindset clearly fading in younger generations.
If you are happy with being “Gay”, please continue to be. However, we want to encourage you to question your current assumptions. It does no matter how old we are (I am not a baby), there is always room for learning and self transformation.
As we cannot avoid changing and evolving, let’s try to have some influence in the direction of our personal growing. Otherwise, we will just devolve into dinosaurs nostalgic for old times, bitterly and unhappily opposing the unstoppable.
Right now, we are again in a moment of vertiginous change. The disciplining effects of the 80s pandemic are fading. The awareness of human nature as a social construct, on the other hand, is raising. We are questioning our understanding of the interconnections between race, gender, sex, sexuality, power, and history. More and more, we are gaining self awareness of our cultural nature.
In my personal quest, Queer or Questioning are the best alternative to describe who I am. They do not speak of certainties, but of a continue learning process. They do not speak of something given, solid, unchanged and unchangeable, but of a journey.
If you are not ready to deal with that kind of uncertainty, then you are welcome to stay in the 20th Century.
Queer is better for me
I am not blind to my privilege. You must be privileged to indulge in the luxury of questioning whether Gay is not Good. We are fortunate to live in circumstances that allow us to discuss our freedom and the self construction of our identity.
We live in the Northeast of the United States, one of the less homophobic and most educated, cosmopolitan, developed, and wealthy regions in the globe. Our own personal experience, education, ethnicity, and economic background also place us in privileged circumstances.
For a thousand reasons, you may still need to embrace Gay identity. Many times, what we already know is what keeps us going. Many times, mainstream culture is the only exposure we have access to.
But for me, Queer is Good. “Queer” and “Questioning” are better descriptors of who I am and who I want to be. Clearly, I find more affinity and community amongst men and women with that mindset.
Join me. Let’s advocate for a Queer World.
Hasta la próxima pinga, amig@s!
