The hook up apps had replaced street cruising in the United States long before 2020. They have been growing as a source of sex in gay USA for about two decades if we count hook up websites. However, there is still old schoolers nostalgia for the mythical old good days.
Suck it Up, Dinosaurs
Whether or not dinosaurs accept it, street cruising was dying long before the pandemic. Gay Bars and Clubs were already endangered species long before 2020. Although it has been a long process, people of my age usually struggle adjusting. To say it more crudely, we old schoolers bitch a lot about online cruising. (By the way, the gif illustrating this post was taken from an article in Vox discussing negative psychological consequences of using Grindr)
Indeed, I miss my hunting expeditions to East and West Village in New York City, or Dupont Circle in DC. Overcome by nostalgia, this blogger may even turn tearful sometimes. So many hot, thrilling memories in places that do not exist anymore!
Even when I do my best to adjust, the thrill coming from cruising on line does not compare to hunting in a club or bar. So I do empathize and relate to the bitching. But I also remember when I was younger, years before Internet existed.
I would go to the bars and discos, have a great time, hook up like a serial slut, and then listen to endless complains from some of my friends about how no one wanted to hook up. We may be wrong, but I bet you: perhaps many of the guys complaining about hook up apps cruising nowadays are the same ones who used to be unhappy about the state of break and mortar cruising.
We do feel some nostalgia, but what is the point of focusing on we cannot change. The last thing I want to become is one of those old folks preaching about “the good old days”
As much as we can, it is important to keep our minds open and our mindset current. In this post I will share some tips for old folks like me. Hopefully, they will help you to navigate better the hook up apps, and to bitch less.
My favorite hook up apps
Actually, I have a long history of online cruising. Back in the mid 90s, in Argentina, this blogger was one of the first local guys to have a home Internet connection. Of course, it was dial up with a loud modem. Besides the countless chat rooms (even low quality images were very, very slow to download, can you imagine?) to hook up on line, my favorite website (apps did not yet exist) was Men For Men For Sex (m4m4sex.com).
I used that website a lot as long as it was for free. Then they switched to a paid service and I canceled my membership. Nowadays, they do not exist anymore. From Buenos Aires, I would research the personal ads in New York, make contact, print pictures and info, and travel with a binder full of hook ups, as I would have no longer Internet access once in my destination. Consider this is even before mobile phones become ubiquitous, or even existed.
Somehow, I become hooked to my desktop or laptop. In actuality, I have never made the full switch to smart phones. This is also one of the characteristics I share with many people of my age and older. We prefer the bigger screens and full keyboards.
All men may be equal under God’s eyes, but not all apps are. As in all things sex-related, there is a huge deal of subjectivity here, but let me share my favorite hook up apps.
Adam 4 Adam
Clearly, Adam4Adam is the least popular in my list, and yet my favorite. Actually, it is also the eldest one. Before becoming an app, Adam was only a full website, which still is. I do use the app when I am in the move, but when at home I still prefer the website. The free version is excellent, you only have to put up with a reasonable amount of unwanted advertising, and some caps and limitations that do not affect my cruising experience.
Most of my sex life is currently coming from this app. Good and bad experiences, almost all of them. However, there are a few caveats.
- I am residing in Washington DC, stuck by the pandemic. In general, Adam has worked well or very well for me in all USA cities I have been to, specially northeast cities. When I travel abroad, though, I prefer other hook up apps.
- I am in my late 50s. One of the guys I hooked up with recently told me that he uses Adam when he is looking for older men. It makes sense, I am an older guy into younger men and find a lot of matches.
- I prefer men of color. Washington DC and New York City, the two cities where Adam has been the most fruitful to me, both have a very diverse demography with abundance of hot horny Black and Latino Men. I miss my Asian babies, though.
Scruff
Scruff takes the second position amongst my favorite hook up apps. Although it is not as prolific as Adam when I am in the States, Scruff still works in Brazil and in Argentina. This is an app targeting the bear subpopulation. Therefore, it is explainable that works for me, as I am a bear myself.
The difference between the free and the Pro version are significant and affect my cruising experience. Therefore, I am paying for this one, considering that works in all the cities I usually visit.
Grindr
Isn’t it interesting? The most popular is my least favorite hook up app. Normally, Grindr would just not work for me in the USA. Currently I am paying for their less expensive upgrade because of the pandemic. However, normally I would not pay for it while in USA territory. Although the free version is unbearable, Grindr is the most unproductive of all my hook up apps. There are just not many matches for bear daddies in their late 50s with hotties in their 20s.
Of course, the situation changes as soon as I leave USA territory. Normally, that is when I pay for the app upgrade. It becomes my Number One hook up app as soon as I enter Brazil or Argentina. Although it is tempting to speculate on socio anthropological explanations, I leave that for some other time.
It is a fact, though. In Rio de Janeiro and in all Argentine cities I have been to, Grindr gave me plenty of matches for bear daddies and younger jocks.
In defense of the hook up apps
When you are in your 50s, you have been going through a double challenge. Actually, our challenges are many, but we are going to focus only on two of them. On one hand, we are coming from two decades of digital evolution/revolution. This is specially challenging for those in my personal situation, coming from an underdeveloped country where computers were a late arrival.
On the other hand, we are aging. And believe me, the feeling always is that we are aging too fast. At my age, you are coming from three decades of getting away and away from mainstream desirability features.
I am just describing facts of life everyone has to deal with. However, you would be surprised at how many people are not coping very well, and becoming nostalgic fundamentalists of “the good old days”. In that club, hook up apps and their users are regular target of hating.
These are just some tips that will make your hook up app experience more fruitful and enjoyable. The bottom line is, I wish we also had hook up apps in “the good old days”.
Use real, updated pictures
I know, it sounds obvious. However, if you are a hook up app user you know how unbelievably often pictures are fake or over 20 years old. Even harder to believe: the same guys using misguiding pictures then bitch about hook up apps vanity.
Hell yes, there is vanity in the hook up apps just as there also was vanity in bars and clubs. But you cannot blame the app when you are using a dishonest depiction of yourself.
Be honest to everyone, but specially be honest to yourself. We all are aging and becoming less close to the mainstream model of attractiveness. We have to suck it up, life is life. This is something where the context has actually not change much. Ageism has always been prevalent in sex culture.
If you disagree, tell me. How many men your current age were you after 20 years ago? Look how I am carefully wording my statements to avoid talking about attractiveness. As a matter of fact there are many younger men who find older men attractive. Be who you are, and show what you actually look like now.
Do not make any reference to money in a hook up app
If you follow the blog you know that we have nothing against exchanging goods. However, I avoid any reference to money or gifts in my hook up app profile descriptions. I would consider an interesting offer, but I do not even insinuate any possibility of me offering anything.
You would be surprised at the amount of “good old days” folks including in their profiles references to “being generous” or any other euphemisms, and then complaining about being hit only by hustlers.
These are hook up apps!
Darling, these are not dating apps. If you are looking for long term relationships, or friendships, this is the wrong place. You will be as disappointed as when you used to do it in the bars and clubs you are now missing.
We cannot ask for love in a hook up app, and then complain because they only want to hook up with us. You are getting what the apps are offering. It is your fault if you are asking in the wrong place.
Use the right app
In case you skipped it, go back and read the section about my favorite hook up apps. I explain there why I think they work for me in my specific circumstances.
For instance, if you are an older bear into athletic younger men, and residing in the USA, perhaps Grindr should not be your Number One option. Try all of them before choosing your favorite ones. I am using three hook up apps, but there are more, specially in the Backpage family, that may be more effective at your locality.
Avoid negativity
Many people think that no one reads the profiles descriptions in hook up apps. They are wrong. An honest and straight to the point description can save a lot of time.
Be assertive at who you are, what you look like, what you like to do, and what you are looking fore. Confidence is always sexy. And please, avoid negativity. Avoid all references to what or who you do not like.
After Pandemic Cruising Spring?
The hook up apps are an amazing tool to find sex. Surely, they will continue to be my main source of sex in the United States. If you are nostalgic from pre-digital era times, you still have hope. You can travel abroad.
South America still offers abundant opportunities to hook up out of Internet. Streets in Brazil, Argentina, Republic Dominicana, Mexico, and other countries are still prolific hunting fields. And those are the places I know, I am sure other geographies offer alternatives we used to enjoy in the USA before we become a digitalized culture.
Additionally, the pandemic can cause some reactions we may not be expecting. Let’s play a little bit imagining possible future developments.
Wishful thinking #1: the pandemic is over. At this point considering an end to the pandemic sounds like a fantasy. Some are talking about after this summer, but new mutations keep appearing and the truth is that no one knows when this nightmare is going to be over, or if it is ever going to be over.
Wishful thinking #2: once the pandemic is over, there is a short Spring of street and outdoor cruising, and a revival of bars and clubs. Short, because expecting it to last would be too much wishing.
Who nows, perhaps we have met in the hook up apps.
Hasta la próxima pinga, amig@s!
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