What were your best & worst hookups? Perhaps I should say online hookups considering our readers average age, but I leave it open to your life experience.
I miss cruising
Has the word “cruising” vanished from the Slutish Language vocabulary? I am a slut in his late 50s, and yet when I think of my best & worst hookups the first memories popping up are guys I met from the apps.
However, I still remember my endless hours of street and bar/disco hunting. It makes me sad to think that probably, if there was any chance we could resuscitate face to face cruising, it is gone after the pandemic. Right now, we do not even know whether or not we will have queer bath houses, bars and discos to return to in the after COVID-19 world.
Although I do miss cruising, I do not want to join the “old-times-were-better” crowd. To use a phrase that has lately became very trendy, it is what it is. We better adjust and learn how to navigate this new environment; or otherwise our sex lives will be devoted to masturbating watching porn, recalling old memories, and spying on neighbors.
Perhaps other day we write something sharing our street adventures decades ago. Most of our readers would need a history lesson on outdoors and indoors cruising before being able to fully understand those experiences. Instead, let’s stay in the online hooking up universe. Whether or not we like it, these are waters we all had to learn how to swim on.
From Hunting to Searching
Before sharing our best & worst hookups, we should talk a little bit about online hooking up. The thrill of the old cruising could be compared to the thrill of hunting or fishing. The feeling of online hooking up is quite different. We could rather relate it to be sitting in a restaurant, scouting for delicious dishes.
However, there is still a thrill in online hooking up. In the first place, because these are not delicious dishes but pictures of men. You are not hungry. You are horny. Somehow, looking at men when you are horny is much, much more stimulating than looking at your favorite dish when you are hungry.
But the biggest thrill does not come from your boner. These men are not dishes you can order and have served to your bed. The big thrill comes from fear to be rejected. Once you like a profile, a game starts that is not completely different to the old cruising. The differences, though, are of the upmost importance.
Virtual platforms are still very limited to communicate many variables that can be turn offs or turn ons once you are face to face. Until recently, we would only have pictures. Fortunately, the apps have evolved a lot, and now include videoconference and videos exchange. Yet, I cannot smell the candidate, I cannot see his physical demeanor and many little details we perceive through body language.
When the standard was hunting, we could also make mistakes though. To go back to our previous comment onto being adaptable and open minded, do not forget that it used to be different, but it not used to be better.
My worst hookup
Let’s start our selection of best & worst hookups by the latter. The story we are about to share is a good example of the risks we face in online hooking up. This specific case would have never occurred in traditional cruising. Similarly, it should have never occurred should I followed my own safety protocols. But you know, this bitch blogger sometimes is just too much horny.
I had a very strict rule for my hook ups from Grindr. We would always meet the first time in a bar. First of all, because as I tend to like them young, by meeting at a bar I do not have to ask them for their IDs. Secondly, because if we do not click, it is easy to move on and leave; or switch to cruising mode if the landscape is inspiring. Thirdly, because I am tired of bad experiences when I meet privately someone I never met before.
I had had my quote of bad experiences, and I thought I had learn my lesson. The pre date in a bar does not protect you against a no-match, but it saves you from uncomfortable situations at your own place. As a matter of fact, this protocol worked perfectly for several years. I did broke it a few times, but I was lucky and those guys were fine matches.
Although I was losing all the horny-right-now guys hitting me, I rarely had a bad experience when we moved to a private setting. And then, this guy, after months of virtual flirting, caught me horny on a weekend.
The build up of my worst hookup
The guy was super hot. We had developed a friendly relationship, and seemed to click very well. I thought “what can go wrong?”, and started to lower my defenses and moved to sex talk. Of course, that made me really, really horny.
When we were discussing when to meet, I had what should have been my first red flag (red flags are very personal). I asked him for time to shower and get ready. He responded asking me not to shower because he wanted to smell me dirty.
I am a smells person. Smells are some of my most powerful turn ons, but also can be my most powerful turn offs. Sweat and dirty may be quite popular aromas, but they are boner killers for me.
However, I was horny and turned on by months of virtual flirting, and so ignored the red flag. I did not ignore his comment, though. I clearly explained to him that I did not like sweat odors and wanted him showered.
I walked out to welcome him when he texted saying he was at my door. Nevertheless, I could not see him anywhere. He started to text incoherent phrases at times. More red flags, I should have canceled by then, but I was so fucking horny.
After a 5 minutes wait, a car stopped across the street. He waved asking me to wait, while seemed to be involved in an argument with the driver. After perhaps other 5 minutes, he finally walked out, as beautiful as expected and with a full radiant smile. I was ready to forget everything, damn he was hot.
When we were walking up the stairs, I noticed a weird thing. He was not wearing any shoes but just socks. When I asked about it, he responded that he lived just a few blocks away and did not feel in the mood to get into his snickers. Believe it or not, this horny slut did not stop and cancel, after all we were almost inside my apartment.
As soon as we walked in, he kissed me passionately, a great kiss, and his body was solid and nice to touch. I was starting to fly when it hit me. Right there when we were eating each other’s mouths, it stroke me. His smell.
The smell of my worst hookup
I had to step back, disgusted. I asked him why he did not shower as I asked him to. He would only apologize, “I am sorry, daddy”, and would repeat once and once again only that phrase, touching my hairy chest and belly (I am not an Adonis), and looking at me with worshipping eyes. It was hard to resist.
He started kissing me again, he was a great kisser. I should have sent him to the shower right there, but he was eating my mouth and unbuttoning my pants. I was not hard, not with that smell. He bent to his knees and started giving me head.
My dick was completely flaccid, and the smell was nauseous. It was not regular body smell. Have you ever scratch the back of your ears after a long hot day? Imagine that aroma multiplied by the thousands. It was intoxicating not in a good way. My dick was completely dead, and at this point not even a shower would resuscitate it.
He continued apologizing while I was explaining to him that it was not going to work. All he would say was “I am sorry, daddy”, with his beautiful worshipping eyes. He left apologizing, whispering only those four words. His smell stayed in my nostrils for days, I can smell him now while recalling the situation. I still do not know what he was high on.
A few tips
Before sharing the good story of these best & worst hook ups, I would like to share a few tips for daddies. After all, although the overarching goal of our blog is celebrating sex in all its infinite diversity, our most specific objective is finding those young men who are actually attracted to older gentlemen like this blogging slut.
Unfortunately, aging increases our self esteem issues. Too many mature men self disqualify from sex hunting and quickly switch to sex buying. Needless to say, it is easier and faster. However, you may miss access to a different kind of intimacy.
My suggestion does not have to do with the hooking up app you use. This blogger used to have a favorite app, but not anymore. All of them work, and their usefulness depends on location rather than on the app features themselves. For instance, Adam4Adam works great in American big cities, specially in the East Coast, but forget about it as soon as you leave the Unites States. We recommend three apps: Grindr, Scruff, and Adam4Adam.
The critical piece is not the app you use. You will get best & worst hookups from any. What is indeed of the upmost importance is the way you present yourself.
If you want to have the chance to meet someone honestly attracted to older men, avoid any codes in your profile that insinuate that you are willing to pay for sex. Do not talk about being a sugar daddy, leave it as just a daddy. Do not say you are generous, or willing to help and support, or any of the clues we use to dodge the bots policing for solicitation.
I used to do that and have learned it was a mistake. Since I dropped those references, I get plenty of hits looking for a daddy with no transactional intentions. I get many hits at home, in the USA, but I am often overwhelmed when I am visiting Brazil or Argentina. Of course, over there paid sex is very affordable and appealing, as I am just visiting and not looking for fuck buddies. However, I strongly recommend you to keep your profile clean of transactional references. It will not be an obstacle to find an escort when you want one, but it will not allow you to find a different kind of lover.
This tip is actually good for everyone, not only for older guys into younger men. Nevertheless, it is a problem that gets worse with older guys.
It sounds obvious, but it is not. Use updated, clear pictures. There is no point in sharing pics 10 years old. You may trick someone, but the rejection you are trying to avoid will happen anyways, and it will be worse.
I keep my face picture mostly private, to share only when there is interest, but I share updated pictures of my body. I am also careful to not post my best pictures. The guys I meet usually comment that I look better in person, which is a good thing.
My Best Hookup
Now is time for our Best & Worst Hookups to turn enjoyable. For our best hookup, we have to travel 2 years back on time, and several thousands miles South to Buenos Aires. My Annual Winter in the Rio de la Plata.
I usually set base in the Argentine capital and travel around. We made contact the first time as soon as I landed from Washington DC. I am going to call him The Cook. His Grindr profile presented him as 24 y.o., although the boy in the pictures looked 19. Besides his hot pictures (my preferred physic is athletic, swimmer built rather than muscular) what caught immediately my attention was his profile’s headline: “No Flacos. C/L”.
“No Flacos” means “No Skinny men”, “C/L” is the local abbreviation to inform you that he has a place to meet (Con Lugar). We exchanged a few texts and more pics, and I learned he was from Venezuela. A Venezuelan hot boy into overweighted men, my perfect match. He seemed really interested in meeting, and kept hitting my profile while I was traveling to Corrientes and to Rio.
By the way, in case you are interested in international adventures, I recommend you my favorite discussion forum: Boytoy. If you check this thread you will learn all the details about this trip. Additionally, you will also have fun with many others posters who write better and are more experienced and adventurous than this blogger, if you peruse through the different forums and conversations.
Coming back to my best hook up, I finally stop traveling around and settled in Buenos Aires for a full week before flying back to the USA. I was ready to meet The Cook.
A long introduction
Like most immigrants from Colombia, Peru, and Venezuela, The Cook is middle class and with some college education. Buenos Aires has been significantly improved by this immigration. He had left Caracas after passing 10 classes in Law School and now was working at a restaurant.
I liked him immediately, as soon as he walked out of his Uber. He could be an Indio from Brazilian NE. We came up to my place and chatted and smoke for more than one hour. It is unusual, most times I go straight for sex. I guess Brazilian influence got me more social. My older friends cannot understand my fondness for these very young men.
Indeed, I related to them many times when I get lost in the conversation. I am already that age when you stop knowing who the new artists are, for instance. To me, when there is miscommunication because of lack of common knowledge and even of common language, there is a learning opportunity.
And needless to say, when there is learning, there is bonding. When the generational gap allows the learning roles to quickly switch from one to the other, the bonding becomes intense. And so does the sex.
The Cook was adorable. He was very energetic, honestly curious about my life and enthusiastic about sharing his. He even rapped to me his favorite songs, and it was hot and fun. But nothing sexual at all, I was starting to wonder why I was wasting my time looking for hook ups when I would have already been done with a professional.
The build up of the best hookup
When I went to the kitchenette to fix a drink, unexpectedly we kissed. It was a very good interaction, all the clues were right. He hurried to take a shower, and when came out of the bathroom his attitude was completely different. Apparently he was not feeling clean before and that is why he avoided much physical contact. Remember, he was coming to my place after working in a restaurant kitchen for about 10 hours.
The Cook was beautiful naked. Perfectly smooth and with a naturally athletic shaped body, no worked out. The interaction was passionate, with some weird comments now and then. For instance, he would warn me that I had to be very “macho” with him. When I would tell him I did not know what he meant, he would just repeat the same without explaining it to me.
Adding that request to other comments, I think he was asking me to treat him roughly, which I never do in a first date. He would share later on that he was coming from playing the slave in a bondage scene with a local police man, and that he enjoyed it. Of course, in the back of my mind I was liking him more and more.
However, what I was feeling in bed was that he reacted very positively to basic Vanilla stimuli. Intense hugging and fondling, passionate kissing, and locking our eyes seemed to be working very well to freak him out to ecstasy. I penetrated him three times.
Each time he would say that was not able to take it anymore after a long pounding. I would pull out, throw away the shitty condom, and start kissing and fondling to get ready to bust. Each time he would ask me if I wanted to fuck him again, and there I would go. The third time he said it would be the last, as it was past 10pm and he had to get up at 4am next morning. He asked me to fuck him in front of a big mirror, and busted all over the place. I pumped a little bit more and filled the condom inside of him.
The consolidation of the best hook up
Indeed, the best for free sex in several years. The Cook asked me to walk down to kiss him goodbye and the following morning I found a warm message asking for another date. We ended together several times throughout that week, and while together we were most of the time playing.
Although the excellent sex and warm friendship were enough to make it the best online hook up ever, there is more.
During our second date we ran out of weed. The Cook got immediately into Grindr and started to scout for it. Right there, I started to notice some weird things. For instance, he would read aloud some of the messages and I would be astonished at their raw sexual nature. Additionally, he was called by a name he never used with me before.
When I asked him, he shared that we would also make some money as a “taxi boy”. Bingo. If there was any question about whether or not The Cook was my best hook up, the debate was now over. I was playing for free with a hot, sexy Venezuelan sex worker.
Despite not having much time and both of us being busy, we did our best to get together as much as possible during that week in Buenos Aires. The sex was consistently excellent, and we even got to try some role playing.
I have had many great hook ups from Grindr, Adam4Adam, and Scruff. The Cook is by far my best hook up ever.
The best and worst hookups in the election
Before writing this post, I contacted The Cook. We have kept contact through our social media, but we had not actually talked since we kissed goodbye almost two years ago. I wanted to know whether or not he was still escorting, and may need some advertising.
My best hookup is not escorting anymore. He is in a long term relationship, fortunately an open one, I am longing for our next meeting. We ended holding a videoconference for 3 hours 26 minutes. Perhaps for most of you this is normal, but for me it is absolutely exceptional.
Hopefully, you enjoyed my passed best & worst hookups. Now, it is time to look at the future, and to a more consequential hookup. Clearly, Donald J Trump is the worst match the American electorate has ever made.
The presidential election in the United States is getting close. Both national conventions are over and now is time to wait for the debates. But it is specially the time to register to vote and, if you are already decided, to vote. Do not wait.
I am waiting for my ballot to mail it out as soon as possible. This time, I am hooking up with Biden-Harris. Not because we like them, but because they are the only option.
Hasta la próxima pinga, amig@s!