coronavirus chronicles illustration

These Coronavirus Chronicles are an attempt to fill my time and document these historic days.

Coronavirus Chronicles: WEEK 1  

coronavirus chronicles home sweet home

After a couple of weeks of calls for physical distancing, the local government has finally declared lock down and shelter in place

I am ready for this pandemic. I have food to feed a family for a couple of weeks and toilet paper to wipe thousands of shitty assholes for a couple of years. My WiFi is da bomb, all my entertainment bills are paid, and have three different computers for teleworking and fun.

My membership to Pornhub and to Rhyheim Shabazz’ OnlyFans are active. I have a good supply of lube, and just put away all my Viagra and condoms together with my Winter clothing. It looks like my cock and my right hand are about to be in a passionate romance for a few months, at least. I am putting my sluttyness on hold.

Besides my concern for all those in risk, there is only one thing clouding my horizon. Unfortunately, I had to cancel my Spring Break trip To Brazil.

WEEK 2 

coronavirus chronicles cooking and baking

It actually feels great. I am sorry for the thousands who are dying, but I am having a great time at home. Less teaching work! However, my students are adorable and working with them is my favorite part of the day.

I am planning on writing a lot, besides these Coronavirus Chronicles!

Besides, I think I am going to end like prison inmates, all full of muscles. Gyms are closed, but I do have dumbbells and plenty of time to work out at home.

I feel full of optimism. I will catch up with teens on technology usage, Trump will lose the next elections, the World will become more united, Science will replace irrationality, this pandemic may be a great opportunity to bounce up in a better direction. The World will be a better place!

Thanks to video-conferencing, I am actually having a more intense social life than before the crisis. I am chatting with my friends and family around the world quite often. I love how I look in camera!

It is four weeks with no sex now. I logged off my hook up apps to avoid temptations. I am getting up every morning with a monumental hard on, despite long sessions of masturbation.

WEEK 3

coronavirus chronicles rutinas productivas

Dear Coronavirus Chronicles, I love my cooking. One of the things I am doing to fill my time is cooking from scratch. Damn, I like what is coming out of my kitchen. Not only I do have the talent of my other and all my aunts combined, but also the weed is helping. I am smoking as soon as I log off from work, delicious California Orange

Damn I miss hugging my students. We cannot even see their faces, as the school protects their privacy by asking them to keep their cameras blinded during the lessons. I am actually not enjoying the virtual learning environment.

I read that it is important to keep up with certain productive routines. This quarantined queen is getting up at 6 am, fixing his coffee, reading the news, taking a shower and dressing professionally for his daily virtual lessons. After teleworking,  I am working out and then my schedule is open.

I put on make up to look fabulous, and I am ready to watch tv and videoconferencing. My attempts to write have not been very successful.

5 weeks with no sex. I am so fucking horny. I am masturbating several times per day. Thank to  all Almighty Gods for pornography. I also find inspiration in my Brazilian memories.

Coronavirus Chronicles: WEEK 4

coronavirus chronicles pija acabando

Definitely, teaching on line is less work but I do not enjoy it at all. I think I hate my students. The fucking retarded kiddos cannot handle work. The little motherfuckers can multitask between five different social media platforms and a video-game, but cannot submit a Google Doc without step by step monitoring.

Disappointingly, I found out I cannot focus to write, so my blog is dying together with my sexual life. Canceling my trip to Brazil really messed up my business plan, and uncertainty is not helping me to build motivation.

Clearly I am gaining weight. Working out at home, by myself, feels fucking stupid and I stopped doing it. I did not put the dumbbells away, hoping that seeing them would remind me to exercise. Ha. I have to dodge them several times per day, but they have been dusting untouched in the middle of my office room

6 weeks of exclusive masturbation. I am glad for my rich memories to complement my porn. Some are panicking for the lack of toilet paper, my nightmare is running out of lube. I think my right are twice the size of my left arm’s muscles.

WEEK 5

Thank you washingtonpost.com

Dear Coronavirus Chronicles, this is the last week of teaching before spring break. Who a fuck wants spring break now, with no place to go to. 

I am not dressing up anymore. I look professional from my waist up, though. Out of tele bull shitting the whole day my only pleasure is feeling my naked ass on the chair.

7 weeks with no fucking. I logged in to Grindr, a4a and Scruff, and was tempted several times. Back to be logged off. I will resist!

After teaching my last class, I celebrated with an extra intense jerking off session. Exhausted, after my 6th orgasm, I found out my second wind and was able to bust five more times. Sweet, sweet memories.

WEEK 6

Gracias pagina12.com.ar

Spring Break. Fuck it, Coronavirus Chronicles. I spent hours standing on my window looking at the sun shining in the Capitol dome, doing nothing. NOTHING.

Still showering and shaving, but I only dressed twice to go out and do some shopping. I gained a lot of weight and my face looks like a giant potato in the screen, so I am cutting on the video chats. There is no make up able to hide my cheeks.

Besides, I had enough virtual socializing. Is there anything more stupid than virtual happy hours? I cannot play one more session of never-have-I-ever, never again.

8 weeks of abstinence. I think I hurt myself, I need to use more lube. My dick is soaring. I may be watching too much porn, I almost grabbed the USPS man’s butt today. This slut is missing the real meat.

Coronavirus Chronicles: WEEK 7

Back to fucking school. I hate this shit. Even worse, they made the official announcement that is going to be like this for the rest of the school year. At least I do not have to see my students ugly faces.

When I thought that we would have been having daily orgies in Rio throughout last week, I wanted to throw my laptop through the window. Instead, I threw up.

I ran out of weed. When I called my dealer, I asked him for his strongest strain. The new shit knocked me out.

My cat today asked me to leave. I thought she was happy having me all day long, everyday. I was wrong.

Week 9 with no sex. I cannot read or write anymore once I stop working. My dick is just too fucking interesting. 

WEEK 8

Thank you wannapik.com

Dear Coronavirus Chronicles, I stopped working. I just ghosted my school and my students. Who fucking cares. Everything sucks. Trump is going to be reelected and international travel will be impossible for a couple of years. The World is a pile of shit.

I had an argument with my cat. She refuses to follow social distancing guidelines.

I told my family and friends that I am having internet issues, so I do not have to be dealing with them. 

Week 10 with no sex. I have discovered something. Last night, when I was jerking off at a very high speed, a wormhole opened and I could see a bar. I was not hallucinating, I am almost sure it was Pointe 202. Before fainting, I kissed a Brazilian guy.

WEEK 9

Thank you lowlife.com

My school sent someone to knock in my door, as I was not responding calls and messages. I sent them my resignation, so they will leave me alone. Family and friends are not a problem, now and then I text them and with that they do not bother me.

I am not talking to my cat anymore until she pays her rent.

Definitely into something. When I am stroking really fast with my extra muscular right arm, up to the point that I do not see my hand anymore, the wormhole becomes stable enough to communicate to the other side.

I was wrong, the other side is not Pointe 202, but an alternate Universe only inhabited by Brazilian porn stars. They wanted me, but I could not keep the speed and the wormhole collapsed. Working on it. With all this practice I am getting really good at it.

End of the “Coronavirus Chronicles”

This document was find at a school teacher’s place, after his family and friends sent the police to break down the door of his apartment. The door was locked from the inside, but no traces of him were found. Up to today, he is still missing.

Hasta la próxima pinga, amig@s!

josesoplanucas@gmail.com

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